“Expect the Lord, do manfully, and let thy heart take courage, and wait thou for the Lord …”
– Psalm 27:14, 1899 Douay-Rheims Bible
This verse formed the basis of the sermon yesterday at church, and it was painful. Sitting in my pew, tears sprung immediately to my eyes as Pastor began to expound on this verse. For the last several months, my heart has been wrestling with this idea of “waiting.” There are dreams God has placed on my heart, dreams I long for, ache for, weep for, that I literally dream about at night with such clarity and such a sense of realness that I wake in confusion as to which is real – what I saw in my sleep or what I see now that I am awake … dreams I wish I wasn’t waiting to see come to fruition any longer. I have fasted and prayed, have waged war with the devil, have aligned my words with the Word of God … and still I wait. At least I thought I was waiting, until I dug into my study notes, and God began to show me what it truly means to wait.
According to Webster’s 1828 Dictionary, the word “wait” is defined as, “To stay or rest in expectation; to stop or remain stationary, till the arrival of some person or event … to look watchfully … to be ready to serve; to obey … to accompany with submission or respect …” Am I resting (ceasing to strive, quieting myself before the Lord, allowing peace to reign in my heart as my faith wells up) in expectation, knowing that my God will act on my behalf, that He will enable me to carry out the plan He has for me in His time? Am I looking watchfully for the promises to appear on the horizon, assured that God has already sent them, and trusting that they will appear any moment on the horizon of my awareness? Am I caught up in joyful anticipation of my Lord’s return on the clouds, or am I so focused on earthly things that I am found slacking? Am I waiting, ever ready to serve, to obey – even when I feel I have been waiting too long and I am frustrated by the wait? Am I accompanying my God with submission and respect, more concerned with His glory than my wishes? No … not enough. I have not yet learned what it is to wait …
When I turn to other Scriptures about waiting, I am further convinced I do not know the meaning of the word. For example, Habakkuk 2:2-4, in the NCV, tell me, “The Lord answered me: ‘Write down the vision; write it clearly on clay tablets so whoever reads it can run to tell others. It is not yet time for the message to come true, but that time is coming soon; the message will come true. It may seem like a long time, but be patient and wait for it, because it will surely come; it will not be delayed … Those who are right with God will live by faith.” So, in this season of so-called waiting, am I writing down the vision? Am I repeating it to myself? Am I living by faith – or whining about being uncomfortable as my heart grows to new levels before my experiences do? Lamentations 3:25-26, in the Bible in Basic English say, “The Lord is good to those who are waiting for him, to the soul which is looking for him. It is good to go on hoping and quietly waiting for the salvation of the Lord.” Am I continuing to look for Him in my everyday life, to look for moments to meet with Him? “Hoping,” according to the 1828 Webster’s Dictionary, means, “having hope; indulging desire of good with the expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable. Confiding in.” So, am “going on,” persevering in hope, in desiring good and expecting I will obtain it in God’s timing? Am I confiding my desires to Christ, my Bridegroom, and continuing to revel in Him while I wait to see the reality of those desires?
My heart is full as I study. I am convicted, humbled. Like Moses cowering before the righteous indignation of a Fiery God, my heart is bowed in awe, trembling as my God says to me:
“You will learn to wait in emptiness and frustrated desire for My plan of love to reveal itself. With confidence in Me and hope in My plan, you will not only feel the pain of living in the valley but also see My glory from the mountaintop of faith. Only those who struggle in confusion and wait in hope will be strengthened to struggle well and to wait with confidence … Struggle well! Wait in hope!”[1]
I pray I will … that my God will find me faithful, that He will say I have struggled well ... and that my attitude of hope and expectation will be pleasing to His heart ...
[1] P. 172, Dr. Larry Crabb, 66 Love Letters: A Conversation with God that Invites You Into His Story, 2009.
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